Hey its 24 year old you here,
Life is hard. It's been one hell of a journey with bad health up to this point - allergies, asthma, epilepsy, sensitive skin (sensitive everything to be fair), cold, flus, sore throats, injuries and chronic fatigue. Do you remember always being called the sick kid through school? You probably don't want to think about those years though do you, they were never a breeze.
Over two years ago you were diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and oh boy has it been a challenge. Do you still suffer from it? I hope there has been some breakthroughs by now. If not, I'm sorry for what you have gone through, I hope you have been taking care of yourself.
I wanted to write this letter in case you look back and wonder "what if " or try to blame yourself for not doing more. Because here's the thing, you ALWAYS did whatever you could, always. The thing is some how it was never enough. I know you always had that strong feeling of doing something with your life, making a difference and helping the people of the world, being extremely sick got in the way of this. How is that going by the way? Saving the world, spreading kindness and all.
Not only did it get in the way of that but all your goals and dreams. So did you ever become that writer, or stylist? Have you traveled to Paris (France), Spain, Italy, Japan? Did you ever get to meet the Kardashians or Jared and Jensen (Supernatural hotties with big hearts)? What about having kids and owning your own home by the beach or lake with some nice land for all of your animals? I hope you got to live at least one of them. It wouldn't be like you if you haven't.
If not I want you to remember that at this moment in time doing the small things - brushing your teeth, showering, getting dressed and out of bed without screaming or crying is such a huge win, so it's okay if you couldn't finish your projects in quick smart time (annoying still right?).
I do hope you did get around to making the two ancestry books though. They were important for you and your family. You got so much joy out of learning about your ancestors. You really wanted to share all your findings. History definitely held a special place in your heart, a place you could learn a lot from.
You know, even though every second of your life was and probably still is a struggle, you were mostly happy. You had the most beautiful, hilarious, supportive family, partner and couple of friends that made it all worth it (I hope you still tell them you love them almost every day). You were grateful for absolutely everything, good and bad. I hope you remember there is a lot to learn from the pain and mistakes. I hope you still forgive others and care deeply the way you do now. Don't regret putting that mask on for the world, it made life a little less solemn and eased your anxiety. Pity never did help you. You were always too stubborn and proud; woman warrior on a mission ha ha. However, you better let yourself have those days off, the ones where you can let go and not worry about showing the world you are vulnerable, human.
One last thing - please tell me you never gave up on your passion for your god and spiritual beliefs. It was what made you different (not exactly normal to have the variety in which you did). It held you up and was the one thing you were most proud of. It made you optimistic and kind, accepting and loving. I cannot say I would recognize myself without it.
Love
Bianca
P.S Remember little Bernie, the CKCS and Izzy, the Frug? They are both fast asleep at your feet and on your legs. Very lucky you are. XX
Life is hard. It's been one hell of a journey with bad health up to this point - allergies, asthma, epilepsy, sensitive skin (sensitive everything to be fair), cold, flus, sore throats, injuries and chronic fatigue. Do you remember always being called the sick kid through school? You probably don't want to think about those years though do you, they were never a breeze.
Over two years ago you were diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and oh boy has it been a challenge. Do you still suffer from it? I hope there has been some breakthroughs by now. If not, I'm sorry for what you have gone through, I hope you have been taking care of yourself.
I wanted to write this letter in case you look back and wonder "what if " or try to blame yourself for not doing more. Because here's the thing, you ALWAYS did whatever you could, always. The thing is some how it was never enough. I know you always had that strong feeling of doing something with your life, making a difference and helping the people of the world, being extremely sick got in the way of this. How is that going by the way? Saving the world, spreading kindness and all.
Not only did it get in the way of that but all your goals and dreams. So did you ever become that writer, or stylist? Have you traveled to Paris (France), Spain, Italy, Japan? Did you ever get to meet the Kardashians or Jared and Jensen (Supernatural hotties with big hearts)? What about having kids and owning your own home by the beach or lake with some nice land for all of your animals? I hope you got to live at least one of them. It wouldn't be like you if you haven't.
If not I want you to remember that at this moment in time doing the small things - brushing your teeth, showering, getting dressed and out of bed without screaming or crying is such a huge win, so it's okay if you couldn't finish your projects in quick smart time (annoying still right?).
I do hope you did get around to making the two ancestry books though. They were important for you and your family. You got so much joy out of learning about your ancestors. You really wanted to share all your findings. History definitely held a special place in your heart, a place you could learn a lot from.
You know, even though every second of your life was and probably still is a struggle, you were mostly happy. You had the most beautiful, hilarious, supportive family, partner and couple of friends that made it all worth it (I hope you still tell them you love them almost every day). You were grateful for absolutely everything, good and bad. I hope you remember there is a lot to learn from the pain and mistakes. I hope you still forgive others and care deeply the way you do now. Don't regret putting that mask on for the world, it made life a little less solemn and eased your anxiety. Pity never did help you. You were always too stubborn and proud; woman warrior on a mission ha ha. However, you better let yourself have those days off, the ones where you can let go and not worry about showing the world you are vulnerable, human.
One last thing - please tell me you never gave up on your passion for your god and spiritual beliefs. It was what made you different (not exactly normal to have the variety in which you did). It held you up and was the one thing you were most proud of. It made you optimistic and kind, accepting and loving. I cannot say I would recognize myself without it.
Love
Bianca
P.S Remember little Bernie, the CKCS and Izzy, the Frug? They are both fast asleep at your feet and on your legs. Very lucky you are. XX
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